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I gotta adhere to the rules of getting kids to listen, which are:

  • Be consistent.
  • Let your kid mess up if they’re hellbent on messing up.
  • Remember that, 90 percent of the time, the best parenting is no parenting at all
  • Never ask a kid to do anything because they’ll say no; just tell them what you want.
  • Keep the words to a minimum because they stop listening after seven seconds.
  • When all else fails, BRIBE THE FUCKERS.